i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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