I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
