girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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