we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Randomize
