Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
