i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
