i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Randomize
