i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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