Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Randomize
