She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
