If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Your shirt... Was in my pants
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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