His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
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