I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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