I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
