Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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