What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
