dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
