Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
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