so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize