this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
i've created a new STD.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
