how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Randomize
