1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
