im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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