Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
