I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
