guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
