I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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