Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize
