As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
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