I want to stick my p in your. b.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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