All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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