Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Who died my cat blue again?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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