guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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