If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Randomize
