so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
