You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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