Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
