brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
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