This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Dick very happy bro
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize
