That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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