Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
