Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
