i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
