.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
