Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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