After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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