Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
