I want to stick my p in your. b.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
