She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
