Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Holy shit dude........stairs
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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