You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize