Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
