My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
