Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
