How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
