The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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