super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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