We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
