took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
