Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I'm really into asian looking animals
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
