the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
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