haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize