I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize