Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
