i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
