I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize