I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
