i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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