I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
