I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
How's work?
Spinning.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Randomize