does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
