Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
