She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Randomize
