We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
