Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
