Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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