You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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