did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
