If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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