sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
