My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
