i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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