so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Randomize
