Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Randomize
