found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
