You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
