Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize