I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
