is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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