how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
