Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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