Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
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