i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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