Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Liz is crying about burritos again.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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