I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
she woke up with a sticky ear
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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