He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
