Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
