someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
