ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
