i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
