I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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