whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
