Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
