So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
