we're chasing vodka with high fives
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
