I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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